Beside myself

So... in the past (less than) a week, I have secured a teaching job, a tutoring job, had dinner with my parents, got my car fixed and am about to Zumba for the first time.

After too many months of struggles and trials and tribulations, life seems to be coming together.  I have officially reconnected with my two most wonderfulest girlfriends to boot.  I guess over the past many months I have easily felt consistently down, primarily because it felt like life's obstacles were neverending.... but, as always, they have ceased to control me.  I now have my whole family back into good graces (which is an amazing blessing) and I have developed a control of my life and weaknesses that I haven't had in quite some time.  I feel amazing today.

We've all been here:  in a spot that makes us feel like things are so very far from coming together... and where life feels like it has all control and things are out of reach.  But I will tell you, after feeling it myself, I can assure you that if you feel this way now - well, it won't be forever.  Getting healthy, making the right changes, and making sure that you do what you need to do to ensure your support network maintains confidence in your ability to get better... well, that's when things will turn around.

But it's also not that simple.  Climbing out of a rut is not going to be a successful endeavor unless YOU do what YOU need to do; whether it's learning to be a positive thinker again, give up bad habits, regain faith, or learn to accept personal accountability... and it could be several or all of these things... regardless, it's in our power to do so.  And I want to take a second to give a shout out to my support group: my roommate, my boyfriend, my sisters, my family, my girlfriends, and everyone else who has acted as one or the pair of crutches that I've needed over the past year.  I love you guys.  I will forever be grateful for the support and the love that you've provided me with.  Yes, I would eventually have done it on my own, but I'm eternally grateful to have had your help along the way to speed up the process.  And in thanks, I shall continue to give you my unconditional love and admiration, as well as my pledge to do all in my power to further promote a healthy and successful growth, professionally and personally.

After all, without love from those who are most important to you, what do we really have?  DO NOT TAKE THOSE WHO LOVE YOU FOR GRANTED FOR THEY ARE THE ONES WHO WILL CARRY YOU THROUGH THE WATERS WHEN YOU CANNOT WALK THROUGH IT YOURSELF.

I love you all.  For this and for many, many reasons: thank you - incessantly.

Best love always,
LLM

Astonished

You know, I continue to be shocked by people in life.  And not always for good reasons.  I often am floored by the lack of compassion and sympathy that so many people possess.  And then I see a story like I saw today, and it completely blows my mind in another way.

On The View today was a very practical family from Missouri.  They are a fairly young religious couple with a 19 year old and a 3 year old.  And though money would be a tricky thing, when they got an email from a friend in an orphanage in Peru about 5 children whose parents had died, they couldn't shake a feeling about some connection.  A year and a half later, all five children (to avoid being broken up as a family) were adopted by the couple.  There are language barriers across the board, but they said as soon as they walked into the orphanage in Peru, all 5 children (some of them 50 feet away) came running into their arms.  It is such a beautiful thing.  And I wish the news would tell us more about this kind of thing... because I think it would honestly restore a lot of lost faith that we sometimes can't help but fall into.

Additionally, Proctor and Gamble (who I dont' like because they test on animals constantly) provided the couple with a years worth of groceries.  But more than that, Avila University present the family with a total of half a million dollars in scholarship money for the kids to use for college AND invited them all to Avila's summer sports camps and home sports games.

As discouraged as I may get at times,  I have to admit, I do believe in humanity and that goodness does prevail.

XO

Interviews

So I went on my second interview today for a school that I really like.  The past year and few months has been quite a roller coaster, to say the least.  And I've hit hard times, within the time, over and over again.  I feel like I might actually be close to getting on my feet, not just professionally but also personally.  Hard times seem to make you develop bad habits, not like addictions (but that's possible), but just a self-deprivation and self-doubt kind of thing.  I won't lie, I've struggled with it a lot lately... but I honestly think that I may finally be overcoming it.

I find it hard, often, to see things in increments instead of the grand picture.  And I think I get overwhelmed because of it... and then I kind of give up in a way.  It's a hard cycle to break but it's possible to do so.  I think the hardest thing to do is to admit when you've lost control and when you need to ask for help, even if it's just in terms of gaining your mental strength back.

I'm really hoping this interview turns into a job, but you know what?  If it doesn't, I think I'll be okay.  I'll keep prevailing.  I can do this.  YOU can do this.  We all have our battles.  And quite frankly, if it weren't for friends and family, I don't know how I'd get through these things.  Which leads me to instantly acknowledge the fact that because I have the network I have, I can pretty much get through anything.  And the same goes for you.

May we all find strength when we need it.  And if we can't find it in ourselves, may we have the gift of briefly relying on our friends and family.  Though I will say this as a final statement:  I think today... I have finally learned that it comes from within.  And I've sought after it through every other outlet until now.  But we all have the power.  XOXO