Shocks me every time...

I have some very redeeming qualities that make me who I am, and which also contribute to the fact that people tend to take to me very easily and quickly.  I make friends quite easily, and I can strike up conversation with almost anyone.  To be this kind of person, you must trust easily, have empathy, often give people the benefit of the doubt, have faith in the goodness of others, and believe in the best.

This is the kind of person I am.  That being said, when you're this kind of person, you unfortunately get hurt very easily, as I often am.  Years ago, while discussing more heartache imposed by an ex-boyfriend, I told my mother that part of me wished I had been more like him: untrusting, cynical, and guarded to all.  It seemed at the time that he rarely felt hurt and/or let-down or hurt by the sneaky and back-stabbing actions of those around him.  Therefore, he never really experienced the disappointment in people, because he never had much faith in anyone.

That day my mom said something like, "no, no.  I'd rather be more like you.  Being like him would mean that you were closed off, negative, and unhappy.  I'd rather be trusting."

And true, I get what she was saying... but still.  When you're like me, you feel let down too often.  And when I'm faced with a situation in which someone is dishonest, sneaky, and intentionally hurtful - no matter how many times it's happened (a lot) - I am hurt fully all over again.  And every time, when faced with this realization, I feel completely shocked.  I guess because I'm not wired that way, and so I may never understand how and why people feel the need to be so horrible and malicious.  

Sometimes it's hard to keep a positive attitude and keep faith in the goodness of the world as a whole.  Right now I'm having a hard time doing this.  Alas, I've maintained this hope and faith for this long so I reckon I will continue to be able to do so.

"You've done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination."  -Ralph Marston